Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize