Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
