I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
