I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
