why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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