I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dicks are not precious.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize