I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
