If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
