But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
