I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize