Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize