are you so shy because you have an std?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
