they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
