Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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