Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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