Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
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Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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