I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
