SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize