Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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