my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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