You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
