Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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