In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
