no, he came in my armpit
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
