We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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