you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
