As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
