i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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