Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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