I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
