I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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