You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
