youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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