My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
