Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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