He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
