Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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