Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
