He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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