a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
