We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
