as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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