3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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