Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
