new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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