actually, I'm a sock model
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
