I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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