thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
