She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize