Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
