"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
