OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
