Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
