Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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