Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
