I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize