If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
