We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
