I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
