Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
