I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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