I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
