I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize