i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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