anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
