I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
