I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
