Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
