gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
