Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
