my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
