I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
