i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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