Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize