he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just invented taco cereal.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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