my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
barbara walters just said penis...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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