forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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