I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
