i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
