The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
