Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
