I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
