she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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