i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize