Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We had to coat check the pizza.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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