remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
