i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize