I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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