Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
try to milk me bitch
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
