i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
