we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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