if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
