he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm passing your future prison.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
