oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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