Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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