my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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