That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
