How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
